Why Do We Self-Sabotage? EFT, Nervous System Safety & Trauma Responses with Carol Look

In a compelling conversation on "Notes from the Edge," host Lisa Lacy welcomes Carol Look, a distinguished psychotherapist and EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Master. Together, they delve into the intricate reasons behind self-sabotage, the critical role of nervous system safety, and how individuals can navigate their trauma responses to achieve genuine progress.

The Problem Was Once the Solution

Lisa Lacy opens the discussion by introducing the powerful idea that "the problem was once the solution." She poses a crucial question: when we find ourselves stuck in addiction, procrastination, chronic people-pleasing, or self-sabotage, what is that behavior actually protecting us from? Carol Look immediately affirms this perspective, emphasizing that these behaviors are indeed protective, and therefore, we need to approach ourselves with compassion rather than criticism. Look advises listeners to pause and ask, "What's the upside of what am I doing? What is it protecting us from?" She notes that many people will admit to not wanting visibility or to feel deep emotions, especially with addictions. Lacy shares her own experience of running from emotions for 20 years through alcohol, only to discover that facing them wasn't as bad as she anticipated. Look reinforces that addictions "work" to anesthetize feelings or keep individuals hidden from what they're trying to escape. The key, she stresses, is to ask better questions, have compassion, forgive oneself, and stop self-criticism. The "why" question, Lacy adds, is often overlooked, with people instead focusing on "what's wrong with you?" or "what's wrong with me?" instead of understanding the underlying protective mechanisms.