Notes from the Edge · Podcast summary
Regret, Grief & Moving Forward Without Moving On with Stephanie Renner
Stephanie Renner, an attorney and keynote speaker, shares her personal journey through grief and regret after the loss of her son, offering a unique framework for moving forward without forgetting or minimizing past experiences.
Listen on the show ↗Key takeaways
- 😔Regret often sets in even before a tragic event, as parents grapple with their child's struggles and question their own actions.00:43
- ⚖️The 'if only' game is a form of self-abuse where individuals act as prosecutor, judge, and jury, constantly blaming themselves for outcomes beyond their control.00:54
- 🚫Telling someone to 'get over' grief or regret is unhelpful and can make the healing process worse, as it implies abandoning the memory of what was lost.01:14
- 🕊️A crucial step in healing is accepting that you cannot control the outcome, which frees you from the burden of endless 'if onlys.'01:55
- 🚶♀️Grief is not something you 'get over' but rather something you learn to carry with you, allowing it to propel you forward and serve a new purpose.01:57
- ❤️Your love and worth are not measured by the outcome of events; detaching these from results is vital for self-compassion and moving forward.02:28
Chapters
- 0:00Introduction to Stephanie Renner and the Topic of Regret
- 0:33Stephanie's Personal Journey with Regret: The Loss of Jordan
- 1:12Challenging the Idea of 'Getting Over It'
- 2:11The Abyss of 'If Onlys' and Self-Punishment
- 3:28The Regret to Resilience Framework: Key Principles
- 33:47Separating Worth from Outcome
- 41:48The Ongoing Process and the Importance of Support
- 44:55Moving Forward vs. Moving On
- 45:44Stephanie's Ideal Client and Contact Information
- 58:51Final Thoughts: The Need for Human Connection
The digest
In a poignant and deeply personal conversation on "Notes from the Edge," host Lisa Lacey sits down with Stephanie Renner, an attorney, keynote speaker, and creator of the "Regret to Resilience Method." Renner shares her transformative journey through profound grief and regret following the suicide of her son, Jordan. This episode delves into the often-misunderstood nature of regret, challenging conventional wisdom about "getting over it" and offering a powerful framework for integrating past pain into a purposeful future.
The Personal Catalyst: When Regret Became Profoundly Personal
Stephanie Renner's professional understanding of regret took a deeply personal turn with the death of her son, Jordan, just shy of his 19th birthday. However, the seeds of regret were sown much earlier, as Jordan battled mental health issues from the age of 11. Renner describes the agonizing experience of watching her son's behavior change, from a rule-following child to someone struggling with anxiety, depression, and substance use. This period, even before Jordan's death, was marked by a creeping sense of regret, as Renner found herself questioning her actions: "What did I do wrong to get to this stage?" she recalls thinking, comparing her son's struggles to the seemingly successful paths of his peers. This initial phase of self-blame, she explains, is a common human response when faced with circumstances beyond one's control, especially when there isn't a clear external cause for suffering.
Keep reading in The Digest
The full 5-minute article, 7 more sections, and every new episode from Notes from the Edge and the creators you follow.
- The Abyss of "If Onlys" and the Self-Imposed Trial
- Challenging the Narrative: Why "Getting Over It" Doesn't Work
- The Framework: From Regret to Resilience
- Separating Worth from Outcome: A Crucial Shift
- Defining What Comes Next: Purpose in the Wake of Pain
- The Ongoing Journey: It's a Process, Not a Destination
- Stephanie Renner's Call to Action
More from Notes from the Edge
Edge Note: What Happens When You Stop Searching Outside Yourself
Roseanne Anoni, psychotherapist and spiritual teacher, shares her journey of healing, self-forgiveness, and finding presence within.
What Stories Are You Waiting Too Long to Ask For? Preserving Family Stories with Brad Koch
Brad Cook, former Marine and business coach, launches Story Project to preserve family stories and deepen connections.
Can You Regulate a Craving Before It Becomes a Relapse? Addiction Recovery, Relapse Prevention & Nervous System Regulation with Dr. Deborah Rozman
Dr. Deborah Rozman, behavioral psychologist and co-CEO of HeartMath, reveals how heart-brain coherence and HRV biofeedback empower addiction recovery and relapse prevention.
Edge Note: What Did We Forget After Kindergarten?
Kindergarten teacher Tiffany Dennison shares insights from 22 years of teaching, revealing what adults can relearn from children about play, emotional intelligence, and navigating conflict.
What Happens When Success Stops Working? Male Isolation, Emotional Healing & Personal Accountability with Daniel Sterling
Daniel Sterling, author and former professional alpine ski racer, discusses male isolation, emotional healing, and personal accountability, sharing his journey from chasing external validation to finding inner peace.
What If Your Identity Was Built on a Secret? Late-Discovery Adoption, Family Secrets & Reclaiming Identity with Al Isaacs
Al Isaacs, author of "Finding Mary Smith," shares his incredible journey of discovering his adoption at age 52, unraveling decades of family secrets, and redefining his identity through unexpected twists and turns.