The #1 Divorce Predictor Isn’t Cheating — Ft. Divorce Attorney James Sexton | Office Hours

In this episode of Office Hours, Scott Galloway is joined by divorce attorney and author James Sexton, who has become a relationship guru after seeing the other side of what a successful relationship looks like. Together, they answer questions about what predicts divorce, how couples maintain both fairness and desire, and what they've learned from navigating complicated relationships.

What Predicts Divorce?

Sexton believes the biggest predictor of divorce is something subtle: disconnection between two people. He argues that people often look for big relationship killers, like open relationships, but it's actually much more subtle than that. Relationships fall apart slowly, like going bankrupt, and it's a lot of little small pieces of disconnection that eventually lead to catastrophic failure.

Sexton shares a story about a client who realized her marriage was over when her husband stopped buying her favorite granola. He used to buy it without being asked, and it made her feel loved. When he stopped, she kept waiting for him to refill it, but he never did. This small act of neglect, or rather, the absence of a small act of love, signaled the end of their relationship. When asked if there was anything similar on her end, she replied, "blowjobs." She realized that she had also stopped doing something small but significant for him, and neither of them knew why. This atrophy, this slow decline in small acts of love and consideration, creates a weird spiral where partners feel less obligated to each other.

Sexton also highlights contempt as a strong indicator of divorce, citing John Gottman's research. When one partner rolls their eyes or can't hide their disgust, it's a clear sign of disrespect and disconnection. However, Sexton notes that this spiral can be reversed. Asking a couple how they met can soften them and remind them of the optimism and connection they once shared. His work as a divorce lawyer has shown him how relationships catastrophically fail, and he believes that understanding these failures can help people keep their relationships together.