Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Gym II

Welcome back to Armchair Anonymous, where hosts Dax and Monica dive into the wild and wacky world of listener-submitted "Crazy Gym" stories. This episode, aptly titled "Crazy Gym II," delivers on its promise with three truly unforgettable tales of gym-related mishaps, unexpected encounters, and sheer physical endurance.

The Fashionista's Treadmill Trauma

Our first story comes from Maisie, a self-proclaimed fashionista and group fitness instructor from Denver, Colorado. Maisie, who coaches 5 AM and 6 PM classes, enjoys trying different gyms anonymously in her free time. This particular incident took place in 2021, during the era of mandatory mask-wearing in gyms. Maisie recounts wearing special Under Armour masks designed for athletic activity, which absorbed sweat and didn't collapse during intense workouts.

The gym in question offered altitude training, a feature that intrigued Maisie. She had already taught two spin classes that morning and signed up for a strength training class in the altitude room. Feeling prepared, she had her protein shake and was dressed in her specific weight-training shoes and sports bra. Upon arrival, she noticed about 30 people huddled in the main area, hyped up for what turned out to be an unscheduled 5K competition. Despite having already completed two spin classes, Maisie felt compelled to participate, driven by a desire to prove herself to the other gym-goers.

The competition involved partners, with one running the 5K while the other cheered them on. Maisie, being new, let her partner go first, using the time to mentally prepare and gauge the pace. When it was her turn, she started strong on the treadmill, pushing her pace at what she estimates was an 8 (a 7 being her normal running speed). As she approached the 2.5-mile mark, pushing through the mental and physical strain, her body decided to revolt. Without any warning, she experienced an "unauthorized evacuation" from her mouth – a sudden, projectile vomit. This happened while wearing a mask, leading to a truly horrifying and messy situation. In a split second, she tripped over her feet, falling belly-flop style onto the treadmill, which was still moving at a high speed. The impact caused the vomit to squish out of her mask, creating a chaotic scene of flying bodily fluids. Maisie flew backward, thankfully not hitting anyone else, but her partner was left in shock, unsure how to react. The coaches, however, saw it as a "badge of honor," celebrating her extreme effort. Despite the embarrassing and painful experience, Maisie later emailed the gym owners, suggesting they update their schedule for special classes, to which they were receptive. She has since returned to the gym, though she's had a few more injuries, including a torn ACL and a broken collarbone from a gravel biking accident in Denali National Park.